You Just Ovulated

Bruch with my MOMS friends was really nice. Hashbrown casserole, mini doughnuts, mini muffins, zucchini bread, breakfast cookies, chilled juices, and one cute baby girl. Pretty eyes, chunky cheeks that make her hard to resist, and an affection for me. One of the MOMS tends this nine month old 1-2 times a week, and this is the first time I saw her. I had ideas flitting through my mind about how cute it would be to have a baby around. Well, a baby as sweet as her. She was just so good, entertaining herself, sitting on the picnic blanket just being. Yeah, that's the kind of baby I want.

She started to fuss a little bit, my MOMS friend that tends her was dealing with her son, so I reached down and grabbed her. She was complaining about being in the sun, so with her in my arms, we headed to the shade. She started to settle down, I rubbed her back and told her "it is so much better in the shade, isn't it?" She calmed right down.

When it came time for me to leave, my MOMS friend came over to grab her, but this sweetheart would not go to her. She turned away from her and clutched my neck. Talk about sweetness! Well, not so for my friend, but yeah, the roots of wanting another baby just planted deeper into my mind. I want this.

I decided to indulge her for another minute, I'd just speed on my way to Hannah's school to drive for their field trip. I continued rubbing her back and talking nonsense to her. But when I really had to go, I had to return her to my friend. And I made that baby cry. That was heart-wrenching, big tears running out of her blue eyes and down her pink chubby cheeks.

"Sweetheart, it's okay. I'm sorry." I rubbed her back as my friend held her. My friend thought this to be pretty amusing, I think, because while I rubbed that cute baby's back, she cheered "You just ovulated!"

I thought about having another baby, I mean really thought. This is something I've gone back and forth over in the last couple years. How sweet babies are, how loving they are. But, they grow up. And it's not as sweet. They don't need you as much. In fact, they defy you sometimes.

There will be no more babies for me. I'll just have to love on everyone elses sweet babies and let them deal with the not-so-sweet.