Death of a Pet

On August 1st we made the very tough decision to put down our beloved dog, Toby. He was 13, and my first pet I had owned from pup to old age. I enjoyed many years with him, and I still miss him. He was smart, he was loyal, and he was a protector of our family. It was really hard to see him age, and I admit I was not the most patient owner during his last few months. As he declined, it became more difficult for all of us, him included, but I could not find it in my heart to let him go. He would pass out if he ran, he started losing control of his bowels, but the final straw was his struggling to walk and being unable to shake water off of himself.

I cried all day that first of of August. Hannah had to comfort me. I was a complete wreck. I stayed in bed. I recounted every way I had failed him.

A few days later, a friend reminded me that I gave him 13 years of a great life, and that is a long life for a dog. I held on to that until it the pain in my chest did not feel so overwhelming. I made myself remember his greatness, how he loved me even when I was not the best owner.

On August 4th, unbeknownst to me, Amber was born. While she was solely reliant on her mother, I could not wrap my mind around owning another pet. Ever. As the weeks went by, my family's grief lessened and I adjusted to being petless, accepting that as my permanent state. Ironically, I combed puppies for sale, the exact same breed and color as Toby, as if simply looking eased the pain a little.

Lo and behold, both my husband and daughter started taking about getting another dog. I vetoed each request for a couple of weeks or so, but my resolve started weakening and I agreed to look at puppies, but I made no promises.

I met Amber on around September 20th. It was not love at first sight. In fact, I gravitated immediately to a puppy with a similar personality to Toby. But, that pup was not meant to be ours. Looking back, it is a good thing. Amber was the pup Ted liked? Hannah wanted a girl dog. I relented. Although I went into this with reluctance, it disappeared, and Amber snuggled up to me in the car on the way home.

That first night was hard. She was neither housebroken nor crate trained, so sleep was near impossible. At one point in the night, I looked into her puppy eyes and "saw" Toby. My grief returned briefly, a reminder that Amber will never replace Toby.

And she does not. She is the complete opposite of him. His bravery to her timidity. His high energy to her cuddling. His obedience to her stubborn streak. But, she is a great pet. She is her own being.

Someday I hope I can reflect on my years with Toby without tears (half this blog was written whilst I cried from missing him so much).

RIP Toby. I still love and miss you very much.

15 Rules I Learned in an Elementary School Classroom.

7:15am came too quickly the morning before St. Patrick's Day. I got out of bed, showered, dressed, and hollared at Hannah to do the same. I threw together breakfast (a pop tart), brewed my caffeine, made our lunches, and realized I needed to run to the store for a green snack. We were ready in record time, I grabbed my pop tart, cooler with our lunches, the kid and headed out at 8:00am. We got pears and green grapes. Dashed to school, stopped at her locker, removed our shoes and replaced them with slippers, and scurried to class where I dropped our cooler off with the rest of the lunches and wandered in. A big sign saying "NO Pinching" greeted us, and the teacher's assistant who was subbing for the teacher said "Anyone caught pinching will be sent to Ms. Nancy's."

Rule 1. No pinching.

Then, we were turned around and sent back to Hannah's locker as we needed to put our shoes back on. PE was first. Upon arriving back to the class, we sat in circle time. "Uh uh, CJ, you two cannot sit together" the teacher's assistant told CJ and his friend.

Rule 2. CJ and friend cannot sit together.

We went over our schedule for the day. It seemed easy enough. PE was first. We lined up. "Hey Ms. Dore, are you going to be at the end of the line?" Um, yes?

Rule 3. Teacher or assistant must be at the back of the line.

To the back of the line I went, and we were off to the gym. The kids played a game called clean your room, and it is basically running lines. Anyone who has played basketball or tennis knows all about running lines. "Ms. Kathy, the other team cheated!" "Ms. Kathy, I did NOT cheat!" Ms. Kathy has the patience of a saint. Me? I checked my watch. "Dang, not even a half hour had passed," I thought.

The kids were then left in my care to run laps and have free play on the playground while Ms. Kathy prepped for the St. Patrick's celebration. I wanted to try out my surgically repaired ankle, so I decided to jog with the kids. Yeah, that went really well. Not only was I completely out of breath, my ankle was not happy about it.

 Free play consisted of the kids splitting into groups to do their own thing. The girls split off into 2 groups. One sat around and talked. The other wandered around, not playing at all. My child was in neither group. She was in one of the boys' two groups. One group of boys spent their time rolling down a small hill. The other enjoyed being chased by Hannah, being caught, and thrown in "jail." During the game, Hannah whispered to me "Mom, we're not supposed to climb up the slide." I noticed CJ doing just that. "CJ, don't climb up the slide," I told him.

Rule 4. No climbing up the slide.

The game of Hannah chasing boys continued, Hannah caught Bryson and put him in "jail." She stayed and visited with him for a bit, then they both climbed the walls of "jail" and stood on top. I thought it would make a cute pic, so I took one. "Ms. Dore, we're not supposed to climb up there." Addy Mae said.

Rule 5. No climbing up to the top of the "jail."

Ms. Kathy returned to help me, and we chatted a bit about rules 4 and 5 because I didn't know of them. She said "oh, there's probably 100 playground rules, the kids know them."

Rule 6. There are 100 playground rules.

Rule 7. The kids know them and must follow or be banned from the playground.

Poor CJ. He was banned from the playground for the duration of free play because he had climbed up the slide. I've known CJ since he was in Kindergarten (he's in 3rd grade now), he's such a boy.

Time to line up and head back to class. The kids were very good about getting in line, and then I heard "Hey! You can't get out of line. If you do, you have to go to the back!" This came from a boy to a girl.

Rule 8. Anyone getting out of line must go to the back of the line and hang with Ms. Dore.

Off to class we went, it was time for a work cycle. The kids were to 1. work on DWLs, 2. work on math, 3. work on language, 4. finish other works for the week that had not yet been completed.

"Ms. Dore, what is this?"

"Um...wait a second, okay?" I had to ask Ms. Kathy exactly how I was supposed to help. With DWLs, because it's an assessment, I cannot really help. But what if the kid didn't even know what the question was? Which I saw a couple of kids did not know.

Rule 9. No giving much help on DWLs.

"Ms. Dore, what does this mean?" Round to the nearest tens.

"Do you know how to count by 10?"

Kid nods.

"Great, let's do it....10, 20, 30, 40, 50, 60, 80, 90. Now, what is the closest of these to 88?

"90."

"Good!"

"But what about this one?" 62

"Let's count by 10s again. 10, 20, 30, 40, 50, 60, 70. Now what is the closest of these to 62?"

"70."

"Write that down for now." Hmmm, how to explain to a 2nd grader if the number is below 65 you round back and if it's 65 and above you round up? Oh wait, Rule 9.

I continued my walking around and assisting as much as allowed under Rule 9. Then my daughter came up to me and asked, "Mom, what is this?" Circle the subject and underline the complete predicate.

Oh God, how do I explain this to a third grader? And, Rule 9!!!

Needless to say, when the kids were able to move on to their other works and I actually could help, I felt much better...though it is still kind of hard to "dumb down" concepts to young children so they understand it. Teachers have that training, I don't.

I continued my perusal and came upon a few boys drawing in their notebooks. Now, considering I am more of an artsy person, I was intrigued to see what went on in these boys' minds. I stopped to look. "Ms. Dore, we're not supposed to be drawing right now," a little girl whispered to me.

Rule 10. Drawing is cultural studies. Not language or math. Therefore it should not be done during a work cycle.

"Hey there," I called softly to one of the little boys, not knowing his name, "we're supposed to be doing language and math." He paused. Looked up at me. Then resumed his drawing. I figured I'd give him a minute then I'd return to tell him to work on language or math.

"Hey CJ, no drawing." I told CJ with familiarity. At least CJ listened.

I returned to the other boy. "Remember, no drawing." He did not even acknowledge me this time. Ms. Kathy rang the bell and it was time to move on to the St. Patrick's Celebration.

While Ms. Kathy read a book to the children about St. Patrick's Day, I cut up the pears, washed grapes, cut up celery, and dumped some veggie crisps in to a green bowl. The combo was strange, but green snacks was what we were having. Before snacktime, though, the kids did a work that involved graphs and Lucky Charms. My ankle was aching by now, so I sat. And was grateful that three girls from Upper Elementary came in to help.

Then...it was snack time.

Rule 11. You may come up only once to the snack table, but you can put as much as you want on your plate.

Ugh. My ankle was really hurting, so I used my position as Temporary Teacher's Assistant to allow my daughter to break that rule and go up a second time to make me a plate of snacks.

The kids spent so much time at snack, that the craft started late, and when it was recess time, the kids voted on either staying in to do the craft or going out to play. Guess which won by a landslide? The kids had to clean up before leaving.

Lining up again, I was still in my spot with my foot up, but the kids weren't going anywhere. In fact, they were chattering about and appeared really ready to go out. I looked over at Ms. Kathy, wondering what was the holdup.

Rule 12. We do not go out to recess until EVERYTHING is put away.

There was a clipboard and pen still on a desk, and I so did not see it. The kids lost 15 minutes of recess time because they were too excited to bother with doing a thorough job.

Ms. Kathy knew I was aching, so she told me to stay in and relax. Which I did. I took in the Lucky Charms all over the floor, empty cereal boxes around the garbage can and not in it. I put my head down because I was so tired. And it was only 11:45. The SAHM in me wanted to clean up the Lucky Charms. I could not find one ounce of energy to get up and do it. I started thinking of ways to make the kids do it.

At 12:05 the kids trickled in. I was starving at this point. I finally got up, retrieved the cooler, set out lunch and began to eat.

"Ms. Dore, we're not supposed to eat yet."

Oops.

Rule 13. We give thanks first. To the animals and the vegetables that we are about to eat. And to Mother Earth.

I was a tired, ungrateful, and starving Pretend Teacher's Assistant.

It was a cute little thing that they do, I admit. But after having had a bite of my ham and cheese sandwich and a big swig of my fruit punch, I was dying for the energy I knew my lunch would provide. When we finally started to eat, I noticed Ms. Kathy wasn't eating, and I thought "I'm such a wimp." I was relieved, though, to see that she did eventually eat something.

"Ms. Dore, watch this!"

Morgan crossed her eyes. Aside from kids showing me their wiggly teeth, anything odd with eyeballs really grosses me out. Guess what happened when I shielded my eyes from it and said "Ew!" ?

"Ms. Dore, watch this!"  "Look!"  "I promise I won't cross my eyes!" a boy said which was followed with rolling his eyes back.

Rule 14. Never show them your weakness.

Another round of clean up commenced, and I couldn't believe that there were only 20 minutes left of the day. Lunches were put away, the class pet Lizzy (Bearded Dragon) was fed her diet of live crickets, tables were wiped down.  Now I see why teachers like short days...and why parents sometimes loathe them.

The day ended with another bit in circle time, this time all eyes were on me to share my experience with traveling to Australia.

"CJ...you know you're not supposed to..." Rule 2! Rule 2!

Rule 15. Keep any and all presentation to kids short, sweet, and fun.

Yeah, they didn't care that Aussies drove on the wrong side of the road, they didn't care that Australia has different electrical outlets. But they sure got a kick out of how much I disliked vegemite.

Hannah and I were the last to leave the room. With our cooler in hand and my other arm around my daughter, I walked out with a deep appreciation for Hannah's teacher. For the teacher's assistant. And for teachers everywhere who not only educate our children, but love them, too.

Parents and Our Education System

Yesterday we had a big wind storm. Big enough to knock out our power for several hours (some places, I read, are still without power). Big enough to close schools (this is monumental because feet of snow won't shut down our schools). As I was reading the comment board on an article posted on ksl.com, I could not believe that parents were complaining about how the school closures were being handled, about how it's such a pain. I kept thinking, "Really? Aren't you the parent here? Can't you just make up your own mind about whether or not you feel safe in taking your kid to school today instead of letting the city dictate that for you?"

That is not all.

Educators encourage parent involvement at school and in the home re: academics. I support it. I'm engaged. But here's what gets me. I had listened off and on to talk radio on my way to pick up Hannah from a school activity, and the talk was about holding kids back a grade. A parent came on and gave his opinion, that he thinks it is the school that makes the decisions. In my experience, I found that to be true. Then, a teacher came on and agreed with the parent. She said they do not hold children back because studies show it hurts them socially, and they tend to drop out of high school if they are held back. And, she disagreed with the "policy" of advancing children even if they are struggling.

Okay, studies do not represent my kid. In fact, you researchers do not know my kid. Her father and I know her much better than a researcher. What happens to our child if she's advanced when we feel she's really not ready?

1. She's at the bottom tier in her class. Why is this a big deal? Because she believes she is "stupid" because all the other "stupid" kids are in that group. No, don't tell me that it isn't like that. I was a kid, I remember. No amount of politically correctness is going to convince her that she is not stupid.
2. She develops a distaste for school. She struggles to understand what is being taught. Then she is sent home with the very thing that she doesn't understand. Enter Mom and Dad into the picture to help her with the homework and it becomes a daily battle of the wills. A young child should be out playing with her friends, not stuck with homework for hours at a time.
3. If we feel she's "young" for her age, and we feel it will not harm her socially, then why can't we, her parents, make the decision? Why is it up to the school?

Yes, I do believe at a certain age, it probably isn't wise to hold a child back, but ultimately, it is MY decision. It is HER FATHER'S decision. It is not the decision of the almighty schools.

Educators, you want us involved? Gladly. But let us do our job as parents, too. I have nothing against Hannah's former teachers. In fact, they are pretty awesome. But, it is not them specifically with whom I have my beef. It's the system.

As a result, I pulled my daughter out of mainstream public education and put her in our local charter school. It is a Montessori school, and it has been really good for all of us. The educators do their job, they teach. They let the kids be kids (within reason of course). They teach to the child, not to the test. It is amazing what Hannah has come home and taught us about. And, they let the parents be what we are supposed to be. The parents.

...the time will be...

Do you remember when we could call on the telephone for the time? "At the tone, the time will be 10:54 and 23 seconds." I used to call it, and sadly, I no longer remember the phone number. There's no way for me to check if it still exists (and maybe it was a Hawaii only thing?).

So tonight, as one of the 1,256 sedentary things I can do after surgery, I browsed my friends list on Facebook to find people overseas. So I can figure out what time it is there.

Hilary is just waking up. Kaoru has kids at school. Erika is getting her kids down for a nap. Kalei wishes she was in Aotearoa with Sweet.

It's cool to think that while I'm in my jammies getting ready for bed my niece is starting her day. Or while Erika is getting her kids down for a nap, Kalei (if she were in New Zealand right this second) would be thinking about an early dinner. Every second of every day, someone is doing something that you have never done or never thought to do.

I suppose I have way too much time on my hands these past few days while recovering from an ankle arthrosocpy/arthrotomy. I'm not known for sitting around and doing nothing for days in a row, and I admit I'm going a little bonkers. I even watched a youtube tutorial on how to crochet, and thought about calling Ted while he was bringing Hannah home from Lori's today to ask him if he could pick me up a crochet needle. It was fleeting of course, as I had already presented the honey do list (which included steak and the fully leaded and highly sweet Coke) and if I added crochet needle to it, he might get a little annoyed by it, after asking me "what is that?"

Note to self: Be grafetul that I don't live somewhere in the world where I don't have the luxury to sit around and do nothing for days in a row.

Next up: Hannah and the garden. It's that time of year when the garden needs to be cleared out and the soil turned. Since I'm out of commission, and Hannah wants sooooooo badly to get The Lion King on DVD, I'm thinking I may be able to strike a deal. 

You Just Ovulated

Bruch with my MOMS friends was really nice. Hashbrown casserole, mini doughnuts, mini muffins, zucchini bread, breakfast cookies, chilled juices, and one cute baby girl. Pretty eyes, chunky cheeks that make her hard to resist, and an affection for me. One of the MOMS tends this nine month old 1-2 times a week, and this is the first time I saw her. I had ideas flitting through my mind about how cute it would be to have a baby around. Well, a baby as sweet as her. She was just so good, entertaining herself, sitting on the picnic blanket just being. Yeah, that's the kind of baby I want.

She started to fuss a little bit, my MOMS friend that tends her was dealing with her son, so I reached down and grabbed her. She was complaining about being in the sun, so with her in my arms, we headed to the shade. She started to settle down, I rubbed her back and told her "it is so much better in the shade, isn't it?" She calmed right down.

When it came time for me to leave, my MOMS friend came over to grab her, but this sweetheart would not go to her. She turned away from her and clutched my neck. Talk about sweetness! Well, not so for my friend, but yeah, the roots of wanting another baby just planted deeper into my mind. I want this.

I decided to indulge her for another minute, I'd just speed on my way to Hannah's school to drive for their field trip. I continued rubbing her back and talking nonsense to her. But when I really had to go, I had to return her to my friend. And I made that baby cry. That was heart-wrenching, big tears running out of her blue eyes and down her pink chubby cheeks.

"Sweetheart, it's okay. I'm sorry." I rubbed her back as my friend held her. My friend thought this to be pretty amusing, I think, because while I rubbed that cute baby's back, she cheered "You just ovulated!"

I thought about having another baby, I mean really thought. This is something I've gone back and forth over in the last couple years. How sweet babies are, how loving they are. But, they grow up. And it's not as sweet. They don't need you as much. In fact, they defy you sometimes.

There will be no more babies for me. I'll just have to love on everyone elses sweet babies and let them deal with the not-so-sweet.

I'm too old!

I was sitting on the recliner, my aching foot up as is the usual around the end of the day. Hannah walked over and handed me a picture hanging nail and hook, saying "Here Mom, I got this for you."

Huh? I thought.

She headed back down the hall towards her room, I had guessed. Not even a minute passed when she handed over three framed pictures.

"Here Mom," she said as I took them from her.
"Hannah, these are your ducks." I said, wondering what was up.
"I'm too old for ducks in my bathroom."

Wow.

Really?

Sigh.

Yes, really.

She got a Littlest Pet Shop room for her 8th birthday, her daddy and I worked hard on it. Why? Because she informed me she's "too old for finding Nemo."

At least she's not too old for cuddles while being told the various stories of when she was a baby.

"Mom, when I was a baby, what did I like to eat?"
"You ate baby food. You liked to play with it, too, because everytime I fed you, you sprayed the food out of your mouth."
She laughed.
"What else Mom?"
"Well, you liked to cuddle and be rocked to sleep."
"Like this?"
"Yes, but you were a lot smaller. You rested your head on my chest and you laid on my tummy. Sometimes, I fell asleep while rocking you. We both would be asleep on the rocker, and Daddy would find us. He used to worry that I'd drop you."
"But you never dropped me, right?"
"No, never."



I'm your lady, and you are my man

Very little is more amusing to me than walking out to the garage and seeing Ted work on the van with love songs blaring on the stereo. Really? My manly man listening to Celine Dion?

"You missed 'The Power of Love'," he said as I looked at him in amusement, some other sappy love song filled the garage.
"You actually remember that from our wedding?" I asked.
"Yeah."

Ladies, don't be fooled. They DO remember!

It didn't take long, though, for him to turn the station.

"Gee, hon, this isn't much better," I said as some girly song took over.
"Hey, it's Jack FM."
"Yeah."

I left him to his manly work, the only remnant of estrogen coming from Jack FM. Maybe the radio station ought to be called Jill FM? Or maybe it really is a "Jack" Jack FM, kind of like a Jack Mormon?

In other news, the tent that has been occupying my family room is now where it belongs. In the backyard. Hannah has been begging her daddy for a backyard camp out. He hasn't been enthused about it, when you have a TemperCloud mattress you get really spoiled. I think she may finally sucker him in to it tonight. She tried to sucker us into having her "barfy" friend sleepover in the tent. This friend throws up if she eats too much junk. Yeah, like I am going to be that accommodating.

I did acquiesce and allow sleepovers when Ted goes elk hunting. One friend from Friday to Saturday. Another friend from Saturday to Sunday. If one night is barfy friend, I will be the Junk Food Nazi and make the kid sleep with the barf bowl.

Wait...is that mean of me?